shadowbrewster

This is my first story so comments and ways to improve will be appreciated :D


The biggest news in the world of football today is the arrival of manager James Brewin at current championship team Queen Park Rangers.
In a brief press conference announcing the arrival of James Brewin he assured us he plans to take this club to all new heights including the bringing in of new players that will excite fans.
Since the transfer window is currently closed for until the 1st of July which is only 4 days away, Manager James has time to look for new players.

News just in with only 3 days until the transfer window James has secured 3 signings ready for the 1st of July.
2 of these players comes from Russian club Spartak Moscow and gotten for a overall price of £285k

The first is Romanian international Florin Soava for a small fee of £190k and also a Lithuania international that is Ignas Dedura which cost Mr. Brewin a measly £95k.
The 3rd player to have agreed to join Q.P.R is Independiete’s 22 year old Leandro Gioda which has been drawing pundits with the recent performances.
James told a local newspaper outside the training ground that he was impressed with what he had seen of these 3 players and knows they will become hits with the fans.

Only 1 day to go until the transfer window opens and James Brewin has already added a new player to his new players list.
This time it is highly rated Maribor and Slovenia’s 18 year old Rene Mihelic.
With already 4 new signings before the transfer window is even open it looks like James Brewin isn’t afraid to bring in new faces to back up his ambitions.

Hartynips

Nice start to the story mate, some good signings already.

Interesting mate cant wait to see where this goes

shadowbrewster

The transfer window is now open and with it comes the 4 fresh players James Brewin has signed and the fans already getting excited on who next is to be wearing a Q.P.R Shirt. Other than the 4 signings of Q.P.R it turns out to be a quiet start to this year’s summer transfer window.

Only a day has passed by since the opening of the transfer window and James Brewin has signed another 2 players to his current Q.P.R squad this time with the most expensive of the lot.
The 1st of the 2 is Newell’s 25 year old German Re costing the club £250k
Now onto the second of today’s signings which is Banfield’s 29 year old Christian Lucchetti for a whopping £3.5m.
Mr. Brewin has already showed he’s ready to splash the cash on players he feels will help achieve not just his but all of Q.P.R’s ambitions.

After yesterdays signing fans and experts had no idea who James Brewin was going to sign next and it didn’t take long with the arrival of Ukraine international 24 year old Andriy Rusol who came to Q.P.R for a sum of £4.5m!

We have been trying since the appointment of James Brewin to get a exclusive interview but his agent has declined all attempts and has said he will consider a interview come end of the transfer window and wishes fans to help with the interview by sending in their own questions to a contact address which is currently on the Q.P.R website.

apthered

really good start but a bit plain :P
maybe spice it up a bit. no offense but the first thing that I saw in your second post were the three interviews in a row (last paragraph). but then again, it could just be me
kiu, make it look better, and youve got a hell of a story on your hands

shadowbrewster

thanx for the advice right will try and spice it up a bit i thought it was gettin a bit plain aswell
lol im enjoyin the actual game that much that im way ahead gonna spend bit tonight doin few more parts to this story :)
i have got a few ideas to add in my next part might be a change in how the story is aswell
well less of a news report more of a actual story

rimza

good luck mate in whatever are u doing..nice story..

Truthful,
Rimza
"The South East Dragon"

Bozza

Good beginning with your story mate. I am a big fan of seeing screenshots of players when you are talking about them. For example, when you say the first signing was Florin Soava, I wonder how good he is. I would love to see a screenie of his profile in this case. It will only take a minute to make a screenshot (ALT+F9) and upload it to e.a. ImageShack.us. You can just link the player's name to the screenshot.

But that's just my opinion. Do whatever you want with it hehe.

Good luck with your game and story mate!

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shadowbrewster

right i am currently rewriting this so will post tommorow morning and i will add that just for u bozza :P hehe
the game has got alot further nearly end of 1st season lol so lots and lots to write but shouldnt take me long :D