adamjigey

ok lets see who fmfs joker is tell the best joke you can think of ok
make me laugh

Big Thanks to Apthered for a top sig cheers mate
remember November 11th we pray for all that lost there lives for us

T.H

What do you call a dinosaur with piles?

A Megasaurars

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A Lickolotopus

THE_UBER_NOOB

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

T.H

LMFAO that ones good!!!

adamjigey

lol yea come on lads more jokes

Big Thanks to Apthered for a top sig cheers mate
remember November 11th we pray for all that lost there lives for us

Y2Stu

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings ~ it's the neighbors house.

Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"

"Yep."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

T.H

Lmao, thats not a bad idea! ;)

What''s black white, and red all over?

Bowser

A person parks his car next to the hotel. How does he knows hes bankrupt?
Hes playing monopoly :p


An american man applies for a job at a girls secondary school
The receptionist ask him for his name and his qualifications
He said, " My name is Peter, Peter File (say it with American accent)
Soon, he was dragged out by some people T.T

3 men were stuck on an island with a monster in it. To escape, you must shove 10 of the same kind of fruit up your ass without laughing or screaming or crying or you will get eaten by the monster. So everyone goes into the forest to pick up some fruit. One of them returns. The first guy shoves oranges and on the 6th one he screams. He gets eaten. The second guy returns and shoves cherries. When he is about to shove the 10th one, he laughs. Up in heaven, St Peter ask him, " Why did u laugh on the 10th one!?! You could've survived! He replied," The third guy came in holding 10 pineapples!

A man and a woman, best freinds for ages are sitting in a bar, the woman, (rather hastily) asks the man to marry her, the man (also rather hastily) sais yes, but the woman, very pleased to be engaged suddenly turns serious and sais, "i will only marry you if you do not look in the top drawer of my bedside cabinet, the man, (rather confuzzled) agrees to it as they are just married and it won't be anything bad.
70 years later the man, on his death bed, asks the woman "as we have been married for a while now and i am nearing the end of my life, can i look in your top drawer?" the woman surprisingly to the man, answers yes, so the man opens the top drawer and finds 3 eggs and a million dollars, the man first asks what the eggs are for, the woman replies "everytime i have been bad or lied to you i put an egg in the drawer", the man rather happy that she's only been disfaithful 3 times then asks, what is the million dollars all about then, the woman with a small grin on her face sais, "everytime i got half a dozen eggs i sold them"!!!

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello, How are you? We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see you".
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked. "Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you", the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died", her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I travelled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word", the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."

A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, "What'll you have?"
The duck says, "Got any pickles?"
The bartender spits and says "We don't have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any pickles?"
The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: "Got any pickles?"
The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. "I told you two times we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"
With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.
The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: "Got any nails?"
The bartender, puzzled, said "No."
The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any pickles?"

A man, riding a bicycle, knocks an old lady down. Furious, she shouts after him "Bloody reckless rider, can't you ring your bell?" "Yes" he replies, "but I can't ride the bike".

A young woman, holding her baby, is sitting in a train. A drunk climbs in and takes the seat opposite her. After a while he says to her "Hey! Ish that your baby?" She smiles and answers "Yes" "Sheesh!" says the drunk, "Tha's gotta be the ugliest baby I've ever seen - worra ugly effing kid that is!" He went on and like that until the next stop where he got off leaving the young woman in tears. A vicar got in and sat opposite her. Noticing how upset she was he tried to console her, but she continued to weep. Eventually he said. "Never mind, my dear. at the next stop I'll bring you a nice cup of tea from the station cafe - and while I'm there I'll get a banana for your monkey"


I have plenty xD

Y2Stu

there great!

hardie43

Haha good :)

ChrisA

lol thats a good one

BirdyFC

Hahaha I love the duck one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bowser Birdy Is A Legend, Birdy Is A Legend, na na na na *clap* *clap* na na na na. He's a low league legend, hes a low league legend, na na na na, na na na na!!

Status: 09/10 Season - Belgian Second League

Angel-SVK

A 16 year old daughter tells her parents that she is pregnant.
Her father gets very angry, loads his gun and wants to know
who is that bastard?
Daughter tells him that he is a very good guy and he is ready
to take care of them. In this moment outside the house stops a
superb car and a distinguished young gentleman steps out.
He greets the family and talks to the father:
I slept with your daughter, unfortunately my family will not
allow me to marry her, but I’m ready to face the consequences.
So this is my proposition:
If it’s a boy, I will give him 1 million Euro and he will take care
of five Ferrari show houses I have.
If it’s a girl. I will give her 1 million Euro and she will take care
of 10 hairdresser saloons.
And if she somehow unfortunately miscarries………….
The father stops him, put’s his arm around him a says:
Then you Fuck her again, no problem son.

Y2Stu

lmao at the last one

T.H

Lmao that's quality!

Can actually imagine a father being like that

Bowser

WTF lmao f*** her again??? o.O but i still like my cherry joke :)

T.H

Do you not understand Bowser?

Seth7724

You told it wrong.

Glenn1wolves

lovin the duck joke, think I may be using some of these myself

Matchday Programme : £5
Petrol to get to Molineux : £10
Ticket at Molineux : £450
Watching a fat Baggies fan fall over : Priceless

We love you Keogh, we do
We love you Keogh, we do
We love you Keogh, we do
Oh Keogh we love you

Bowser

There are alternatives Seth, so it doesnt matter as long as the pineapple bit comes in and also, TH i get it, im stating the fact that I was laughing at it :/