NEIL

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...

The 'asshole' is usually in charge!

T.H

LMAO Neil

Name a chavvy area near where you live.









Why wasn't Jesus born in [Insert Chavvy Area Here]?

Coz there wasn't a virgin or three wise men

NEIL

Barnsley that should p off BFC

T.H

Lmao, I'll get him to look!

NEIL

A frog walks into a bank and says "I wanna loan."

"Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black's desk, she is the loan manager, I'm sure she will be happy to talk to you," The head desk says.

The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black's desk and says, "I wanna loan."

Mrs. Black says, "Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here..." At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.

She asks, confused, "What is this?"

The frog croaks back, "I wanna loan." She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, "I don't get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?"

The boss laughs and says, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"

Bfc-Fan

NEIL, That is nice of you!
....Homo.

BFC

NEIL

I know Bfc sweetie


An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini -
"I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed.
"Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied.

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says.
"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!"

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he stated.
"NO! Get away from me!"
"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he offered.
She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said, "I said NO!"

"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he claimed.
She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough...and $500 IS a lot of money....
"Well, OK...but only for a minute."

She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel... then he started saying, "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD..." while he was caressing them.

Out of curiosity, she asked him, "Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my god, oh my god'?"

While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...
OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?

T.H

The bank????

NEIL

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the FA Cup Final from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium.

About halfway through the first half, Bob notices an empty seat 5 rows off the pitch right on the halfway line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the elderly gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Cup Final and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1962."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral

T.H

LMAO that's funny!!!!!

Bozza's going in the shower, so maybe he will reopen it in a bit!!!!!

NEIL

Sophie Ellis-Bextor has been found dead in the hotel room of a top French footballer. Police are saying little, but have confirmed they're treating it as murder on Zidane's floor

T.H

Not sure i get it?

NEIL

If Football Teams Were Women

Arsenal - Angelina Jolie
Looks good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the
potential to really screw you over

Aston Villa - Dido
One big hit. Fairly inoffensive really

Birmingham City - Mariah Carey
Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. Supporters are thick

Blackburn Rovers - Melanie Sykes
Common as muck Lancy, constantly worrying.

Bolton Wanderers - Natalie Imbruglia
Always looks like she might go down but never does

Charlton Athletic - Martine McCutcheon
Chirpy Cockney with the ability to spring a few surprises

Chelsea - Rachel Stevens
Every bit looks good from all angles. But what is she doing with that prick

Everton - Barbara Windsor
Been laughing at those t*ts so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good

Fulham - Andrea Corr
Not bad to look at but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame

Leicester City - Patsy Palmer
Generally a bit crap and second rate really, but some people like her

Leeds United - Lisa Scott Lee
Dirty Lee

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor
Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work
when put together.

Man City - Madonna
Have been big at times - now lost the plot a bit - ageing stars.
Nice new home though

Man United - Jordan
Dominated by t*ts. Screwed by Dwight Yorke. Quite repulsive
really

Middlesborough - Tara Palmer Tompkinson
Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to
speak of.

Newcastle United - Christina Aguillera
Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though.

Portsmouth - Chrissie Hynde
On the face of it a has-been but you're quite interested in what she's
going to do next

Southampton - Kylie Minogue
Sometimes you feel sorry for them, they’re not huge and you've got a
bit of a soft spot.

Tottenham - Joan Collins
Used to look good, but living on past glories.

NEIL

Defoe walks into a night club and sees a stunning leggy blonde beauty struting her stuff on the dance floor.
He approaches her and says, "get you coat love, your coming home with me tonight."
She looks at him and replies, "My! You're a little forward!"

T.H

Lol

Good one!!!!

Aarontheblue

lol neil your copy and paste keys must have been in a lot of use for these ;)

Cheers Ru

bigdunc92

Q.whats the difference between a vagina and a fridge




A. the meat doest smell when it comes out of the fridge

Marsh

Here's an old one...

There were the German, the Frenchman and the Englishman.
While sitting in a bar, they discussed which sex position that was their favourite. The German said on top. In that way, I can see her gorgeous face.
The Frenchman said below. In that way, I can see her nice boobs.
The Englishman said doggy. The other guys then asked 'But what do you see then?'
- It depends... Last time it was Liverpool v Everton!

josh_ehm

What Do You call an ethiopean with a big toe?
A Golf Club

How Many Ethiopians Can You Fit In A Shopping Trolley?
None Coz They All Slip Through.

What Do You Call An Ethipian With A Leather Jacket?
A Gear Stick

What Do You Do If U See An Ethiopian Drowning ?
Throw Him A Cheerio.

Whats The Fastest Thing In Ethiopia ?
An Ethiopian with A Dinner Ticket

How Do You Get Ethiopians On A Boat ?
Throw In A Tin Of Beans

Latest Score From The African Cup Of Nations -
Nigeria 8 Ethiopia Didnt. LOL

Footy Jokes

Whats The Simalarity Between Rangers And A Wheelie Bin ?
They Both Got Put Out On A Saturday Night

Whats The Diff Between Man Utd And A Cup Of Tea?
The Tea Stays In The Cup Longer

And Finally A Picture Joke


Mike Tyson + Big Ears
= Happy Tyson

Feel Free To Use My Sigs

Aarontheblue

lmao ur a bit racist josh ;)

Cheers Ru