 Christmas Jokes
Well its that time off year again when you pull your 'cracker' and get a pretty sh*te joke, so here are a few classics below, enjoy .........
Father: Did you see Father Christmas this year, son?
Son: No it was too dark to see him, but I heard what he said when he stubbed his toes on the edge of my bed.
I don't care who you are, get those reindeer and that sleigh off my roof.
Fred: What kind of Christmas did you have?
Tom: Oh, the same as last year, thirty minutes eating turkey, mince pies and Christmas pudding, followed by three days in bed recovering.
Steve: What's your father getting for Christmas?
Dave: Bald and fat.
Who used to take presents to the famous detective, Sherlock Holmes?
Santa Clues.
What do gorillas sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle Bells...
Joe: Did you get many Christmas presents?
Jack: I sure did. A lot more than my four brothers.
Joe: Why was that?
Jack: On Christmas morning I got up two hours before them.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
I wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year,
A stocking full of presents
And a fridge full of beer.
Christmas - a holiday during which neither the past nor the future is of as much interest as the present.
What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas?
Santa Claws.
Who carries a sack and bites people?
Santa Jaws.
What did Santa get when he crossed a reindeer with a piece of wood?
A hat rack.
How does santa begin a joke?
"This one will sleigh you...."
Mummy, here's your Christmas present. A box of your favorite chocolates.
Thanks, but the box is half empty.
Well, they're my favorite chocolates too.
What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Never mind the star - get those camels off my lawn!
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem. | 
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