Nice start there mate interesting story idea. One thing though please look over the text after you have written it, some of the spelling mistakes and grammer take a second or two to re-read and makes a little difficult.
Also try not to write as though you're in the middle of a hurricane, plan the story out in a bit more detail, and take it a bit slower. For instance what were you feeling when you landed in Columbia? Why did he pick you to ask to manage his side? Why were you watching "Britains got talent"?
Just little things like this make a world of difference mate. All in all though I'd give you 7.5/10 with a potential for much higher if you just relax and take the story a litle slower.
Hope of some help mate, and just KUTGW! | 
