Chasing Lamely

Many strange things have happened in Brazillian football. Goats owning clubs, soap stars managing them, Iffy Onura doing punditry on it... So it's safe to say I wasn't surprised to be offered a job managing Third Division Parnahyba. My qualifications? I own a football shirt. Crazy? I thought so, but the chairman was adamant I should manage his club. I had eaten in his restaurant while on holiday (while wearing said qualifying shirt) and he'd spotted me and offered me the job. I had a job at home, but the English weather is always depressing, so I took this one to keep me in the sun.

When I was introduced to the squad, I was unimpressed. Mainly because I only had four senior players. And two of them were injured. The chairman couldn't offer me any transfer funds to build a squad and, even if he could, I only had £850 left on my weekly wage budget - which I needed a large chunk of to pay an assistant manager - so I knew I'd be relying on the club's youth system for the season.

The assistant I hired was extremely experienced: Josué Teixeira, the former manager of top Brazillain club Fluminense. He didn't speak any English, but then we didn't have any English-speaking players. I guess I'll just have to learn Portuguese. Merda aconteç.

With Teixeira on board, I had £550 left in my wage kitty, so I thought I'd have a look around, just in case there was an experienced goalkeeper out there that I could bring in. I also decided to investigate the possibility of a couple of loan signings.